No 9. – Fake British Accent

28 Feb


Once you came back from England and your accent had changed. Your parents raised you in Ohio and couldn’t understand how in a week your bland Midwestern accent had become something like the chimney sweep’s in Mary Poppins.

I pretended not to notice your fake accent that day we spoke on the telephone. I pretended to love you, too and that’s more unforgivable I suppose.

If you were searching for an identity, you didn’t find it in Ohio or Japan or even England. None of your many travels seemed to suit you and entire cultures which spanned hundreds of years were tried on, found to be ill-fitting and in a month’s time just fell away from your body like a layer of skin.

You never spoke about it. But who would say, hey remember that time I had a fake British accent?


Some people thought you were cultured, but I saw how carelessly you tossed aside centuries of words, customs, art and history. Your entire personality changed with every new stamp in your passport.

“Hello, love,” you had said to me that day.


I always took things the wrong way. I said, “yes.”

I said, “I am in love.” And you promised me half of anything you owned, but you never meant it. It was just something romantic you’d thought of and wanted to say to anybody. In a fake British accent.


© Ashley Noelle, 2012. All rights reserved.


3 Responses to “No 9. – Fake British Accent”

  1. John S February 28, 2012 at 6:42 pm #

    The chimney sweep in Mary Poppins is a very fake LONDON accent! London is like New York in the US (I think): dominant and yet not really part of the whole. Not typical at all. City States.

    • Ashley Noelle February 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

      Ha! Well, such is the nature of unedited fiction. 🙂 Plus, as an American I would never have thought of it that way. To me, a NY accent is still an American accent and a London accent is still and English accent. I guess I see it as a hierarchy…kingdom, phylum, genus, species…and didn’t feel like getting any more specific than kingdom.


  1. Our Sunday Best : Do I Dare Disturb the Universe? (Yes. Yes, I Do.) « Bluebird Blvd. - March 4, 2012

    […]   Bright twinkle. A fanciful gal tells a tiny story of an American man who goes to England for a week and comes back with an accent, as if he caught British accent flu. None of your many travels seemed to suit you and entire […]

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